Mormons and gay people
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Patrick will be joined by authors of two recent and important books on these subjects. Most of the time these comments come from inexperience and are not intended to be disrespectful. I often wonder what might have happened if, as a younger version of myself, I had encountered these narratives.
Increasingly, even faithful members promote values like self-expression over covenant commitment. While many are supportive of the challenges we face, too often, they frame the commandments as obstacles rather than the pathway to true and lasting joy.
This raises a few important questions:
• How can we empathize with the experiences of sexual minority Latter-day Saints without enabling them to drift away from the gospel?
• How can we unapologetically hold to our beliefs while respecting the agency of those who choose a different path?
• How can we tactfully and effectively challenge faith-destroying narratives?
As I learned how to navigate these questions in my own life through personal experience, I have been richly blessed.
When Compassion Misleads: How Faith and Identity Can Coexist
New Book Group: “Exclude Not Thyself: Thriving As A Covenant-keeping, Gay Latter-day Saint”
Growing up as a gay Latter-day Saint in the early 2000s presented unique challenges—but not the ones you might expect. She is the author of Queer Mormon Theology: An Introduction (By Common Consent Press, 2021).
Blaire Ostler is a philosopher who works at the intersection of queer, Mormon, and transhumanist thought. Giving private guidance can be helpful.
Be careful that your language toward all of God’s children is harmonious with your covenants and calling, no matter whom you’re speaking with.
When ward members share their experiences, it’s deeply personal.
We offer support even by being willing to listen and learn.
Do not be afraid to apologize if you have said or done something that is hurtful, even if it was unintentional. I have a strong testimony of the restored gospel, a life-giving temple marriage, and three beautiful children—one of whom tends the gardens of our heavenly mansion while we navigate mortality.
Therefore, if we rely only on the language of the past, we may miss out on beautiful and important guidance the Lord is providing through our current prophets.
One resource that helped me review recent apostolic teachings was the Life Help section of the Church’s website, especially the pages titled “Same-Sex Attraction” and “Transgender.” A few statements that specifically stood out to me include the following:
Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “The diversity we find now in the Church may be just the beginning.
When you’ve experienced, when you’ve seen, when you’ve opened your heart to other people, you see that we all belong.”5
Notes
D. I also considered the misconceptions I once held—misconceptions that many still grapple with—which make it harder to hold onto faith as a sexual minority. As you rely on the Spirit, you may want to adapt some of the following suggestions to meet the needs of your ward’s circumstances:
Reach out to individuals who are familiar with LGBT issues to help you learn and understand their perspectives.
The Church’s “Same-Sex Attraction” web page (ChurchofJesusChrist.org/topics/gay) can also provide guidance. It’s also a heartfelt guide for Latter-day Saints navigating the complex terrain of LGBT+ issues—helping them love and support others without enabling a crisis of faith. People who experience same-sex attraction or identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual can make and keep covenants with God and fully and worthily participate in the Church.
Your ward members all have unique experiences and points of view that can be beneficial to your ward. Don’t share their private information without their permission.
Remember that what someone feels and how they choose to respond to those feelings are not the same thing. … Let’s not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own gender.”2
To encourage my ward to study the latest apostolic teachings on this topic, we dedicated one of our combined fifth Sunday lessons to discuss how we could better follow the guidelines.